So I’m here with Nat, Richard and Marc (see our blog post of September 6th for more information) and we are trying to coax a Civil War soldier out of the darkness and back into the Light. Right now, he is appearing to us as more animal than human. He has lashed out at both Nat and myself with this very long claws. He appears to just skim along walls and tries not to be noticed. Nat told us that though many of the Spirits who were stuck at battlefields have gone home in waves, there are many who need individual help.
Diane: Nat, I know that you have been trying to work with him. I get that he has so much remorse for being in charge of a group of men who all perished. We’ve already told him that they are fine and back home but that isn’t changing his appearance. Is it the guilt?
Nat Yes Diane, that’s the biggest part of it. He feels inadequate and guilty because he knew that he wasn’t a natural soldier and shouldn’t have been in charge of these men. It wasn’t something that he was interested in doing.
We found out that Stephen was from a army family and went to military academy for training. He tells us that it wasn’t that he was a coward, but shouldn’t have been a soldier. More on his history later.
Diane: Well can we get him to the point where he can forgive himself and understand that he can now move on from that incarnation? He can start with a new life if he wants?
Nat: Well yes, that’s what we’ve been trying to tell him.
Diane: He’s appearing as part cat and vampire all at once. This is so sad. He is just sprinting back and forth like a caged animal. Okay so can we all pull together here and send him love and light and see if we can calm him down? He might be frightened that there are four of us?
Nat: Let’s try that…..
Diane: Okay so now he has stopped pacing and looks more calm.
Nat: Yes when spirits aren’t accessing energy from Source, they wear down quickly.
Diane: So now he’s just sitting in a lump on the ground. It seems like a good time to see if he will come back to any form that we can speak to?
Nat: Let’s try to talk to him now. I think that we’ve sent him enough light from Source so he can revamp if he wants.
Diane: Okay great, so now I’m seeing the bottom part of a military uniform with very muddy boots. The legs are starting to walk towards us. It sounds like he has weights on his boots because he is shuffling them. Okay now we have a bit of a torso. Nat can you start please…
Nat: So Captain Stephen, we are your friends and we would like to assist you if you will allow us….
Stephen: With what?
Nat: Well you didn’t appear to be in a very happy place when we met you just now. We understand that you’ve had many hardships and disappointments in your past life as a army officer. You have a great deal of guilt over losing all your men in battle. So much so, that you haven’t been able to face any consequences about this. We want to come tell you that you have the opportunity to go home now and be loved.
Diane: He’s telling me that he can’t stand to face the men whose lives he feels responsible for losing.
Nat: We understand this, but we hope that you will realize that your men have moved on to other lives. You can go back home and ask for their forgiveness if you choose.
Diane: Richard, what’s your take on this?
Richard: Well it’s a good sign that he is showing himself as human again so he does remember that. He is gaunt and literally looks like death. He isn’t in a good place right now.
Nat: So Stephen, we are wondering how you feel about this? Is this something that you might consider?
We didn’t get a response.
Diane: Well can we bring in the Light and see if he wants to even look at it? Right now, I can see him turning his head away from it, so I guess he isn’t ready. Should we come back at another time?
Nat: I think that we should try a little longer. So Stephen are there reasons other than guilt and remorse that are keeping you here?
Stephen: I really did try my best to be a good leader but sometimes, my head would get confused and I didn’t know what to do. Because my Father was a military man and was very clever, they thought that I should be too. I didn’t want to be in the army. I wanted to study Art and be an artist. I enjoyed listening to music and reading books. I knew that I wasn’t suited to this life but I couldn’t say “No” to my Father. He said that no son of his was going to do anything but be in the military. When the Civil War started, I did want to support my country. (He was in the Union.)
Diane: Oh Stephen, we are very sorry that your life wasn’t want you wanted. We know that it is very hard to go against your parents’ wishes.
Stephen nodded yes.
Diane: Okay so now I think that we need to bring in someone whom Stephen loves to help us with this and I’m getting that would be his Mother. I can see them both together going to museums and listening to band concerts. His Mother was a very loving woman and she wanted to support her son. But the Father was every bit a Victorian man and expected his family to follow his wishes. Stephen, you did love your Mother?
Stephen: Yes I loved my Mother very much. She understood my situation but knew that she would never change my Father’s mind. He wanted a son to be a rugged man who could defend himself and fight an enemy. I was never that son and was always a disappointment to him.
Diane: You miss her right?
Nat: He is not wanting to face his Father after what happened.
Diane: Okay well Stephen, your family has also moved on from that life. He is no longer the man who terrorized you and you needn’t be afraid of him anymore.
Stephen: My Father never loved me.
Diane: Well I bet that he feels differently about you now and that he might be hoping that you could both talk. Perhaps he would like the opportunity to explain what he was going through? Would you like to meet him and see if that’s true?
Stephen: Would my Mother be there?
Diane: I’m sure that she will be if you ask her!
Stephen: I would like to see my Mother again!
Diane: Well let’s see if we can make that happen for you! If you don’t want to see your Father right away, you don’t have to. Maybe you can meet at a later time?
Stephen is thinking and stepping from side to side. It breaks my heart because his uniform is all torn with blood all over it. Oh! Now he’s showing me his head and it has a bullet through it!
Diane: Okay Stephen, I think that your Mother is waiting to talk with you. Can you please step a little closer to the Light that we will bring in and see if you can hear her?
Nat: Okay let’s bring the light around him now!
Stephen shielded his face from the Light as it was obviously too bright from where he has been all this time.
Diane: Stephen….don’t be frightened! The Light won’t hurt you. It’s very warm and loving. Nat said that he will walk with you a little of the way until you can hear your Mother’s voice. Would that be okay?
Stephen nodded yes. Nat walked over to him and took his elbow. They started walking very slowly towards the Light. I really don’t think that he could have made it on his own because he was just too weak. Nat let go of him when he was about five feet away from the Light.
Nat: It’s really important that he walk to the Light of his own accord. He can’t be pushed.
We see him walk into the Light and then poof….he was gone! It enveloped him completely. All I saw was the shadow of his back with this glorious Light in front of him. Yay! We all cheered for him!
Diane: Nat, there are still many soldiers here in this state right?
Nat: I would like to say “No” Diane but actually there are.
Diane: So what can our readers on earth do to help them out?
Nat: Just keep sending light and love to those stuck at any battlefield. I can’t tell you how much it helps to have those on earth assist. If we all work together, we can get these men home.
The next evening, we spoke with Stephen about his journey. Even though there isn’t time over there, to put it into perspective, he said that we are speaking to him in about 50 years time in our future.
He walks toward Marc and myself with blonde curly hair and it looks like he is dressed for a boating holiday!
Diane: Thanks for coming to see us Stephen! I’m so glad to see you smiling and looking well! You’re telling us that it wasn’t that you weren’t smart but that the military just wasn’t your thing right? But surely the officers above you would have been making all the decisions about strategy. So why did you feel so responsible for your men dying?
Stephen: Well because I knew that I was sending them into certain death and I didn’t do anything about it.
Diane: Was there anything that you could do about it?
Stephen: Not really. It was the army and I had to take orders, even if I knew that they were leading us to disaster. To tell you the truth, I was really hoping that we would survive that one. It was very hard for me to take another person’s life. (My sister who knows a lot about the Civil War confirmed this. She said that if you were ordered to march towards the enemy and didn’t, your own officer would shoot you!)
Diane: But I’m sure you must have gotten to the point where it was either kill them or they would get you? It became a matter of survival?
Stephen: That’s exactly what it became. Even though I believed that it was wrong to take another’s life, it didn’t become a choice after a while.
Diane: That is very sad. So can we ask what you learned from that life?
Stephen: I learned that you have to live your life as you see fit and not let others dictate to you about whom you should be. I know that sounds like just common sense, but I chose a domineering Father in order to experience this. I was in an old, respected family that stretched back to the founding “Fathers” of this country. I wanted to see how I would react in a situation like this.
Diane: I guess you found out huh?
Stephen: Yes I did.
Diane: So you weren’t married in that life right, but you’re telling me that you loved a girl who rejected you?
Stephen: No I never did marry. She choose a man with a dubious reputation and got in the “family way”. Her family disowned her and she was shunned out of society. She came to me once for help but I didn’t help her because I was afraid of what it would do to my own reputation.
Diane: Did you ever find out what happened to her?
Stephen: No because I died very soon afterwards. (He said that he was about twenty-seven when he died.)
Diane: So you look like you are doing fine now?
Stephen: Yes I am very well.
Diane: Did you get a chance to speak to your Father?
Stephen: It did take me awhile after I finally passed over to speak with him. I had a lot of hatred towards him. I resented myself for not standing up to him and letting him dictate my life. Back then, it was much harder than it is now. Society was very important and social status even more so. If you did something that broke with tradition, you could be cast out. I couldn’t really do that to my Mother. She was a very proud woman.
Diane: How could you disgrace your family just by choosing a different profession?
Stephen: Because being an artist was not a respectable profession for a young man then. It wasn’t what “real” men did – at least not according to my family.
Diane: So what was it like for you being a spirit in the dark?
Stephen: It was like being in a black pit that I couldn’t dig myself out of. It was bleak and lonely.
Diane: Oh dear! Did you know the whole time that you were dead and that you were there because you chose it?
Stephen: Well I knew that I was dead for sure. I think that I was more confused about why I was there. I mean that I was sick with remorse and I hadn’t any self-worth. All I could think about was how I was responsible for leading my men into death and that my family would be ashamed of me.
Diane: But why would you think that your family would be ashamed of you if you were just doing what you were told?
Stephen: Because I failed….
Diane: But from what you said, you really didn’t have much choice? I mean, if you didn’t follow orders, you’d could be shot or something like that right?
Stephen: Well pretty much yes….
Diane: We met you in a really sad place. How did you get there?
Stephen: Well you are basically a manifestation of your thoughts right? They are what lead you to this direction or that. After death, my thoughts couldn’t have gotten any lower. Guilt, shame, unworthiness, fear, resentment, hate…I didn’t allow myself to come into contact with another soul. I became what I felt.
Diane: I know! You lashed out at Nat and myself.
Stephen: Yes I know…but I was afraid.
Diane: Afraid of what?
Stephen: I was afraid of what would happen. I didn’t want to face changing myself. It would have been easier to not do anything even though I was miserable and alone.
Diane: Well we are so glad that you decided to come out of that and go home! You haven’t any regrets about that have you?
Stephen: No, of course not.
Diane: Have you come to terms with that life now?
Stephen: I have yes. I understood the choices I made and why. I got to play that life all over again when I got home.
Diane: Would you have done anything differently?
Stephen: No, I don’t think that I would have done anything differently. I just could not say no to my family.
Diane: So I’m wondering, did you see the Light when you were in the dark and if so, did it at least make you curious?
Stephen: Well I didn’t really see the Light. Like I said, I could only see a glimpse of it and I didn’t want to know what it was because I chose not to.
Diane: You didn’t like where you were but you couldn’t get yourself out of it?
Stephen: Not easily. Not until you all came and started talking to me. I hadn’t any communication with anyone else since I died. Like I said, I turned into my thoughts.
He said that he has been in contact with his men and they have all given him their forgiveness. He also told us that it was his Mother’s voice that helped him back into the Light. We were right to call upon her, as he wouldn’t have truly trusted anyone else. He thanked us for helping him out of the darkness and if he can ever do anything for us, to please call on him.
Diane: So Marc, you’ve been very quiet through all of this….why?
Marc: Er….Diane….this is what you do.
Marc meant that this is the job that I have in Spirit and that Nat, Richard and I work as a team bringing lost souls back into the Light. So much is making sense to me! That’s one of the reasons that I’ve been able to see and hear spirits for as long as I can remember, why Nat’s energy felt so familiar to me and strong, and that’s why I’ve always wanted to do this work – so I can continue on earth!
I remember sitting in the first day of a year-long clairvoyance training program that I took several years ago. The first question the students was asked is “Why are you here?” I said “To learn more about myself and to help spirits cross over to the Light”. I looked at the expression of everyone else in the room. They looked at me like I was nuts or speaking a different language! I appeared to be the only one who felt like that but that was okay with me.
Marc told me that he is always by my side when the team is working and that I travel with him doing what he loves – which I knew already. Is there anything more wonderful than doing what you love with those you love the most?
© Bolan-Beaty Boogie
September 12, 2018